Assalamualaikum

I always love music. I love to sing but its just humming or in the car karaoke. Not the real karaoke. I am the one who rarely looks at the lyrics when listening to a song. Then after replaying the same song all day, only after that, I realize what is this song about. Yeah, I am listening to a song on make love (on the bed), like a porn song to be exact..whatttt? hahhaa. Well, this happens quite a few times. Benci! TBH its hard to get rid of the good music arrangement instead of the bad lyrics. hmm..geleng kepala. Astaghfirullahalazim.

Tears by Clean Bandit

After replaying a few time, I found that this song got very good lyrics or easy to say so much related to what I wanted to dedicate to the one who used gets me sick the past one year. Things that I have gone through not long ago which leave a big scar to my pure heart. Pure gittew. Mata ke atas...

Title..kemain. kah kah kah

Kemain, kemain. Nak jugak cerita. Cakap pasal cinta, macam bukan aku. Rasenya jarang la aku openly discuss pasal cinta.  Sipi-sipi tu ade. Directly about love is rare things for me to talk about. Rasa geli. Hari ni nak cakap pasal cinta secara terbukanya. Not as open as in facebook, just as open as in blogspot. Ngee

Bagi aku, cinta dah jadi macam core subject dalam hidup. Cinta ni ade 2. Horizontal and vertical. Yang aku nak borak ni pasal cinta horizontal which is cinta sesama manusia. Roughly, dalam hidup aka ade 3 kategori cinta manusia. Family, Friends and soulmate.

Alhamdulillah, my life is blessed with a loving family. I dont have much struggle on this.  They are where my heart belongs to. Whatever I did, I need to think about them. Anything will be reflected to them. I try as much as I could to not to hurt them. When people outside the family rejected me, I still have my family with me.

While love among friends will always be in ups and downs. I would say that, I have lose faith to almost all the people in my enviroment. Aku berkawan dengan semua orang yang nak berkawan. Just the difference is that how much would I spend time with them, which story I can and can't share. I need to filter everything. Aku punye sisi naif ni dah banyak melukakan hati aku. Naif ke aku?? hahahah. tak tahu la nak kata naif ke apa, tapi aku ni terlalu mudah percaya dengan orang. Tapi Alhamdulillah, kawan2 aku pon mostly baik2 aje. Cuma aku ni je, bila menganjak dewasa, dah mula filter yang mana yang perlu rapat dan yang mana yang perlu sekadar berkawan je. Mungkin jugak aku ni memang jenis yang cepat lupa kalau benda tu menyakitkan. Dan kawan2 yang ade skang is cool enough to be kept as close friend.

Hmm..soulmate. On top off all, this would be the most hurting type of love that I have to deal with. This love, has affected my love to my family and friends. The level of pain is just that I want to stop writing here. Hahaa

But to summarise things, after dealing with stupidity of someone which i used to call soulmate, I realized how huge the love that my parent bear for me.

Soulmate(i.e husband), is the love that I have to put in the first place after Allah and Rasulullah. And you know, to be acknowledge at the highest place in my heart, who would it be? It must be for someone who can love me more than my parent did for me. Which means not exist. But Allah says,

As I want to be the people who carefully think (as said in Quran verse), I just think it was not the right time for me. Just not yet. Its a lesson that I have to learn to be a better me.

For now, I choose to learn to love myself first. To do things that make me proud of myself. I believe that the key of a blissful life is to love yourself. It might makes yourself more lovable  >_<

While the horizontal love looks very frustrating, the vertical love will never leave us. Its the love of the Creator, Allah.. As the love that we gain in the scope of horizontal love is also the gift from Allah. The One that loves the most.

p/s: not good at sharing thought. Sinopsis jela yg dapat aku tulis. Cerita panjang2, dapat kat aku semua jadi pendek. Hahha