January 2017 - Dear Haxeera,

22 January 2017

22th Jan: Love
Title..kemain. kah kah kah

Kemain, kemain. Nak jugak cerita. Cakap pasal cinta, macam bukan aku. Rasenya jarang la aku openly discuss pasal cinta.  Sipi-sipi tu ade. Directly about love is rare things for me to talk about. Rasa geli. Hari ni nak cakap pasal cinta secara terbukanya. Not as open as in facebook, just as open as in blogspot. Ngee

Bagi aku, cinta dah jadi macam core subject dalam hidup. Cinta ni ade 2. Horizontal and vertical. Yang aku nak borak ni pasal cinta horizontal which is cinta sesama manusia. Roughly, dalam hidup aka ade 3 kategori cinta manusia. Family, Friends and soulmate.

Alhamdulillah, my life is blessed with a loving family. I dont have much struggle on this.  They are where my heart belongs to. Whatever I did, I need to think about them. Anything will be reflected to them. I try as much as I could to not to hurt them. When people outside the family rejected me, I still have my family with me.

While love among friends will always be in ups and downs. I would say that, I have lose faith to almost all the people in my enviroment. Aku berkawan dengan semua orang yang nak berkawan. Just the difference is that how much would I spend time with them, which story I can and can't share. I need to filter everything. Aku punye sisi naif ni dah banyak melukakan hati aku. Naif ke aku?? hahahah. tak tahu la nak kata naif ke apa, tapi aku ni terlalu mudah percaya dengan orang. Tapi Alhamdulillah, kawan2 aku pon mostly baik2 aje. Cuma aku ni je, bila menganjak dewasa, dah mula filter yang mana yang perlu rapat dan yang mana yang perlu sekadar berkawan je. Mungkin jugak aku ni memang jenis yang cepat lupa kalau benda tu menyakitkan. Dan kawan2 yang ade skang is cool enough to be kept as close friend.

Hmm..soulmate. On top off all, this would be the most hurting type of love that I have to deal with. This love, has affected my love to my family and friends. The level of pain is just that I want to stop writing here. Hahaa

But to summarise things, after dealing with stupidity of someone which i used to call soulmate, I realized how huge the love that my parent bear for me.

Soulmate(i.e husband), is the love that I have to put in the first place after Allah and Rasulullah. And you know, to be acknowledge at the highest place in my heart, who would it be? It must be for someone who can love me more than my parent did for me. Which means not exist. But Allah says,

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
"And of His signs is that He has created spouses for yourselves from your own selves so you might take comfort in them and He has created love and mercy among both of you. In this there is evidence (of the truth) for the people who (carefully) think." (Surah 30, Verse 21).
As I want to be the people who carefully think (as said in Quran verse), I just think it was not the right time for me. Just not yet. Its a lesson that I have to learn to be a better me.

For now, I choose to learn to love myself first. To do things that make me proud of myself. I believe that the key of a blissful life is to love yourself. It might makes yourself more lovable  >_<

While the horizontal love looks very frustrating, the vertical love will never leave us. Its the love of the Creator, Allah.. As the love that we gain in the scope of horizontal love is also the gift from Allah. The One that loves the most.



p/s: not good at sharing thought. Sinopsis jela yg dapat aku tulis. Cerita panjang2, dapat kat aku semua jadi pendek. Hahha

18 January 2017

18th Jan: Update blog..blerghh
aku, tiap-tiap tahun azam nak aktif update blog.

Tapi gitu jela. Aku duduk menung. Apa ke benda menarik aku nak cerita, nak share. Tak menarik dan tak padan dan tak patot pon nak share. Hidup aku, hanyalah sekitar UM, master aku, labmate, housemate dan makanan. Balik kampung, dengan family. Takdenya nak update cerita, laptop pon tak sentuh. Bila sentuh laptop balik, dah lupa nak cerita ape.

Nak cerita pasal hidup aku, mostly drama. Aku rasa aku ni orangnya bukan jenis berdrama sangat, tapi daily life aku drama sangat. Kisah penyelia, kisah duit, kisah rakan sekerja, drama housemate tak abes-abes, drama,drama,drama. Belom masuk kisah ex. Super duper drama. Non-hado la nak cerita. Aku menulis pakai emosi, tulis sini pasal drama-drama hidup ni, sis jadi ta kuad. Terbawak emosi masa menulis ke alam nyata plak. Parah jadinya.LOL!

Satu-satunya cara untuk aku terus hidup ni, positif je. POSITIFFF (sambil mengetatkan hati).

Siap update. Macam ni pon kira update ke?

Mungkin kena modified sikit azam tu, update blog dengan kerap cerita gembira je ataupon bercerita dengan gembira walaupon ceritanya tak berapa gembira. Pon bolehh..

05 January 2017

4th Jan: Blessings
Assalamualaikum.

Alhamdulillah, had a rough day today. But yeay, i'm surviving. Bukan apa pon,cuma rasa tak sihat sangat. Sakit kepala sampai menggigil2 badan. Pastu muka panas macam beruwap je. Td petang rasa macam nak demam but now feeling okay. Alhamdulillah. Ya udah update status hari ni. Hahah

I was thinking about blessings. Barokah.

Feeling like having a tough day to keep surviving in KL with no earning. Yes, my salary has been cut since February 2016. Officially, 10 month meng-anggur. Boleh dikatakan agak kopak la poket aku. I just have my Instagram to kinda support my makan-makan and a little bit on transportation. Sewa rumah korek tabung Maybank aku. My last savior.

Dulu masa aku ber'gaji'. Aku boleh dikatakan mewah la. Aku tak struggle bab duit. Yela, ape je komitmen aku. Kete takde. Rumah sendiri takde. Mostly spend kat makan2, jalan-jalan dan shopping2 online/offline. Dan kadang2 aku masukkan dalam akaun mak aku sket. So ni la masuk part barokah sepertimana tertera dalam tajuk.

Aku ni bukanla anak yang baik sangat. Ada bulan aku bagi kat mak, ade bulan aku enjoy sakan. Takde komitmen. Tapi bulan yang aku masukkan duit kat mak aku tu sampai hujung bulan pon aku tak rase sengkek pon. Macam rilex je. Walaupon secara kalkulatornya, bila dah bagi kat mak aku, memang duit aku kurang la dr masa aku tak bagi. Tapi barokah tu membuatkan aku rasa macam "eh, kenapa banyak lagi duit dalam purse aku ni?"

Barokah tu membuatkan aku rasa cukup.

Lagi satu, aku berpendapat, bila kita bekerja seikhlas hati, tak ngelat, jaga masa kerja, kita akan rasa keberkatan gaji tu. Pernah tengok orang gaji RM10k, tapi masih rasa tak cukup? This might be related to barokah. Might be, but please dont judge them. Contoh je babe!

Now, sumber pendapatan aku ialah melalui IG aku. Nilai yang aku dapat memang tak banyak. Tapi apa yang aku dapat tu ialah apa yang aku usahakan (insyaallah biiznillah). Walaupon nilai yang aku dapat tak seberapa tapi aku rasa cukup. Cumenya, memang tak mampu la nak bagi kat mak lagi. Cukup makan je.hahaa. Klo bagi ntah2 mintak ngan abah plak duit nak makan. Lol!

So gitula, harapnya hidup aku ni terus menerus dilimpahi barokah biarpon segala badai onak dan duri melanda. Jaga hubungan dengan Allah, jaga hubungan dengan manusia. Insyaallah barokah tu melimpah ruah dalam hidup kita. 

Now, I can still smile, that makes me feels great. And I feel that, to be able to still smiling is a blessing from Allah. I am blessed with such a great family and friends. Thank you Allah for these blessings. May Allah bless all of us! ❤️

Eh, not to forget, visit my IG haxeera.co 😄



p/s: kalau rasa hidup selalu ada masalah, mungkin kita ada masalah antara hubungan dengan Allah dan ibu bapa.

02 January 2017

2nd Jan: Achievement?
2nd day of 2017. Pheww. Eh assalamualaikum.

Tipu la kalau cakap tak cuak. I'm going to be 29 this year yet there is not much achievement unlock. Except for 'that one'. Unlocked and then suddenly get locked again without leaving key for unlock. Ahh this is hard 😰.
Takpe, lets move on to unlock for another achievment. I would say, one of the most must things to achieve this year is to graduate my master study. Masya-Allah, this is wayyyy too tough for me. May Allah bless and open the door for me to end this super heart broken, bloody journey. Ya Allah, I do hope i gain, i learn something beneficial in my master journey. I wish that the knowledge that I learn during my study would benefit me and the society later. Aminn.

Takat tu jela aku boleh reveal, perancangan banyak-banyak tak leh cerita kt sini. Once achieved, i'll share the story. Eh riak plak. Adoi susahla. Ok la even if not accomplish, i might write it here. Untuk pedoman masa depan. Ahh gittu.

In general, semua orang nak jadi manusia yang lebih baik, lebih beriman, lebih dekat dengan Allah. Same goes to me. May Allah ease our journey with His barokah. Have a bless 2017 ahead 💪🏻

Gambar tak berapa cantik ni takde ape, simboliknya cuma gambar yang di ambil pd 2nd January. kualiti gambar tak cantik sbb photographernya tak pandai, but the real scenary is subhanallah 😍 Picture taken on 2nd January, somewhere in Merapoh i guess. On my way back to KL from kelantan.