2017 - Dear Haxeera,

24 February 2017

Song of the week
Assalamualaikum

I always love music. I love to sing but its just humming or in the car karaoke. Not the real karaoke. I am the one who rarely looks at the lyrics when listening to a song. Then after replaying the same song all day, only after that, I realize what is this song about. Yeah, I am listening to a song on make love (on the bed), like a porn song to be exact..whatttt? hahhaa. Well, this happens quite a few times. Benci! TBH its hard to get rid of the good music arrangement instead of the bad lyrics. hmm..geleng kepala. Astaghfirullahalazim.

Tears by Clean Bandit

After replaying a few time, I found that this song got very good lyrics or easy to say so much related to what I wanted to dedicate to the one who used gets me sick the past one year. Things that I have gone through not long ago which leave a big scar to my pure heart. Pure gittew. Mata ke atas...



I tried hard to make you want me
But we're not supposed to be
And the truth will always haunt me
Even though it set me free
And my tears flow like the ocean
As they floated in the breeze
They were falling in slow motion
And they brought me to my knees

You're haunting me, taunting me all in my brain
Turn off the light and now all that remains
Fills me with doubt
And I'm shouting your name out loud
Why do you wanna put me through the pain?
I get the feeling I'll never escape
I can't hide away from the shame of you

Tears on the ground, tears on my pillow
You won't bring me down
And I'll get over you
These tears will get me through
And I'll get over you

I'll, I'll, I'll get over you
I'll, I'll
I'll, I'll, I'll get over you
I'll, I'll, I'll get over you

When did you lose your emotion?
When did you become so cruel?
And if you want to cut me open
Says a thousand words 'bout you
And in time I know you'll leave me
Like a distant memory
I know love can be so easy
If I start by loving me, oh

You're haunting me, taunting me all in my brain
Turn off the light and now all that remains
Fills me with doubt
And I'm shouting your name out loud
Why do you wanna put me through the pain?
I get the feeling I'll never escape
I can't hide away from the shame of you

Tears on the ground, tears on my pillow
You won't bring me down

I'll get over you
I'll get over you
I'll get over you
I'll get over you

I'll get over you
I'll, I'll, I'll get over you
I'll, I'll
I'll get over you
I don't need you to call me tonight
(I'll get over you)
I don't need you to see me if I'm alright
(I'll get over you)
You left me, so leave me, I'm fine
I'll be here getting on with my life

Tears on the ground, tears on my pillow
You won't bring me down

I'll get over you

*lyric seems too long to put here.lol


12 February 2017

12th Feb: Once upon a time in Penang
Assalamualaikum...

Flashback sepanjang hidup aku, this is my 3rd visit to Penang. First time sampai Penang, tahun 2003. Mmmm lebih kurang 14 tahun lepas. Hahahahaha.

2nd time tu memang uplanned visit. Kita merancang, Allah yang menentukan. Hihi. Rancangan perjalanan ke Kedah yg agak failed, result in unplaned visit to Penang for 2nd time. Tapi singgah jela. Singgah makan. Dah elok2 beli flight ticket return KL-Kedah, tetiba ikot Najua ngan Faiz  ke Penang, sebab nak balik hari tu jugak naik bas. So deme hantar aku, Fatin ngan Ain ke bustop Penang. Alang2 masuk Penang, makan sat la.

Zaman muda..tahun 2014.
Jangan nak suh aku letak gambar 2003 dlu.Hahaha. Mohon jangan. Tingkatan 2, tapi comot macam darjah 2 ;D

My 3rd visit to Penang, sebab nak attend kenduri kawan ain (kak dayah). Aku teman, sebab aku memang nak bejalan la. lol. Kak Dayah tu aku pernah jumpe 2 kali kot. But very friendly person. Rumah kak dayah area Kepala Batas. Since masa tu CNY, jem sket. 7 jam baru sampai.

Aku stay kat hotel area Bandar Baru Bertam. Aku rasa BBB ni macam bandar baru nak up (BBNU). Lol! Most facilities and goverment office area sini. Hotel aku stay tu Hotel Jannah. Rate RM109 per night stay. Untuk 2 org. Boleh la, tak nak komen lebih. ok.

Malamnya, konon nak pi umah kak dayah. Tapi konon jela, tido sampai nak abes magrib. Lepas solat, instead of pegi umah kak dayah kami pusing2 ares BBB tu. kawasan situ banyak kedai hipster. Tapi tak payah nak hipster sangat. Kteorang masuk restoran Thai. Mae Thai nama dia. Memula nak minum-minum je. Tapi sebab tekak aku rasa perlu masuk makanan berkuah dan panas2. Aku order sup ayam. Padahal dah makan kul 6 tadi kat umah kak dayah. hihi. Memang nyesal kalau tak order sup tu. Sedap giler. Hahah. Aku exaggerate je yang giler tu. It just according to tekak aku la. Aku memang fan makanan thai. So sup tu sedap giler. Sambal belacan pon umphh. Sup tu RM5 je. Thumbs up.


Pagi 29hb tu majlis akad nikah. Buat dekat masjid, dekat je ngan hotel. Pastu kami gi bekpes kat oldtown. Banyak kedai tak bukak pagi-pagi. 

Ain ngan masjidnya.. hehe. Masjid yang buat akad nikah. Nama masjid  tak ingat, tak tahu nak google ape. Tapi area BBB tula ;p
                                       

Tengahhari, gi makan lagi kat umah kak dayah. Jumpa ana (kawan ain) kat situ. Duk tunggu2 kak dayah tak muncul2, kami chiaw dulu gerak masuk pulau. Naik jambatan. Ana kata tol untuk masuk je. Keluar pulau tak yah tol dah. Kalau naik feri pon charge same. Charge masuk RM7. Dalam pulau takde tol dah.Tapi kau jangan buat salah drive ternaik jambatan keluar pulau plak. Baru masuk dah nak keluar. hahhaa. Tak pasal2 kena bayar tol 2 kali. Sebab apa yang aku nampak, kalau tersalah masuk tu tak tau nak patah balik kot mana dah.

Memula skali, terus pegi Penang Street art. Memang situ je kebanyakan tourist attraction. 
Kat Georgetown.

Ramai sangat beratuq nak amek gambar..




Pastu, Ain ngan Ana nak tukar baju. Dari tadi pakai baju kenduri, tak sempat tukar. Sambil nk solat boleh tukar baju. Deme jela, aku selesa je pakai skirt. Kami solat kat Masjid Kapitan Keling. Pas solat g Esplanade jap. Makan. Kat sini baru rasa nak tukar seluar. hahaa. Payah nak lintas jalan. Aku main tukar dalam kete je.lol.

Then sempat lagi nak pi Bukit Bendera. Ikot aku, memang aku tak nak pi. Same je rasenya dengan mana-mana bukit. Hhahah. Lagipon aku penanh naik 14 tahun dulu. Hahahaaa. Sebab Ain ngan Ana tak naik lagi, so apa salahnya. hehee

Salah memang tak salah. Yang salahnya timing. Naik malam-malam ape je yang nampak. Amek gambo pon kelabu asap.hahaa. Naik kul 8.30, pusing tak sampai setengah jam, kami dah queue nak balik. Masa tu beratur bapakkkk panjang giler. Kuss semangat aku. Terus terdiam beratur sebab klo aku membebel-bebel, hilang tenaga. Nak beratur lama ni weii. Hahaa

Selipar jepun :P


Kelabu hasap!
Turun Bukit Bendera, terus gerak balik Sungai Petani (rumah Ana). Beratuq sejam setengah weii. hahaa. Ain la kesian, pasal aku malam2 mata memang kelabu asap. Camno nak drive.

Trip Penang, abeh situ je. Abeh pitis. Aku jalan2 ni pon tak plan sangat. Hentam! Tol return around RM90. Minyak RM120. Hotel RM109. Makan RM100 kot 2 hari.

sebelum balik KL, singgah jeruk Pak Ali jap. Overall okay saja. Aku sebenarnya nak amek suasana je. Dulu masa jalan ngan Najua, Faiz, tak puas masuk Penang. So jalan kali ni nak memuaskan hati yang tak puas 2 tahun lepas. Aku suka Penang, makanan dia, tempat2 dia, bangunan dia. Yang aku tak suka, sesaknyaaa..

22 January 2017

22th Jan: Love
Title..kemain. kah kah kah

Kemain, kemain. Nak jugak cerita. Cakap pasal cinta, macam bukan aku. Rasenya jarang la aku openly discuss pasal cinta.  Sipi-sipi tu ade. Directly about love is rare things for me to talk about. Rasa geli. Hari ni nak cakap pasal cinta secara terbukanya. Not as open as in facebook, just as open as in blogspot. Ngee

Bagi aku, cinta dah jadi macam core subject dalam hidup. Cinta ni ade 2. Horizontal and vertical. Yang aku nak borak ni pasal cinta horizontal which is cinta sesama manusia. Roughly, dalam hidup aka ade 3 kategori cinta manusia. Family, Friends and soulmate.

Alhamdulillah, my life is blessed with a loving family. I dont have much struggle on this.  They are where my heart belongs to. Whatever I did, I need to think about them. Anything will be reflected to them. I try as much as I could to not to hurt them. When people outside the family rejected me, I still have my family with me.

While love among friends will always be in ups and downs. I would say that, I have lose faith to almost all the people in my enviroment. Aku berkawan dengan semua orang yang nak berkawan. Just the difference is that how much would I spend time with them, which story I can and can't share. I need to filter everything. Aku punye sisi naif ni dah banyak melukakan hati aku. Naif ke aku?? hahahah. tak tahu la nak kata naif ke apa, tapi aku ni terlalu mudah percaya dengan orang. Tapi Alhamdulillah, kawan2 aku pon mostly baik2 aje. Cuma aku ni je, bila menganjak dewasa, dah mula filter yang mana yang perlu rapat dan yang mana yang perlu sekadar berkawan je. Mungkin jugak aku ni memang jenis yang cepat lupa kalau benda tu menyakitkan. Dan kawan2 yang ade skang is cool enough to be kept as close friend.

Hmm..soulmate. On top off all, this would be the most hurting type of love that I have to deal with. This love, has affected my love to my family and friends. The level of pain is just that I want to stop writing here. Hahaa

But to summarise things, after dealing with stupidity of someone which i used to call soulmate, I realized how huge the love that my parent bear for me.

Soulmate(i.e husband), is the love that I have to put in the first place after Allah and Rasulullah. And you know, to be acknowledge at the highest place in my heart, who would it be? It must be for someone who can love me more than my parent did for me. Which means not exist. But Allah says,

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
"And of His signs is that He has created spouses for yourselves from your own selves so you might take comfort in them and He has created love and mercy among both of you. In this there is evidence (of the truth) for the people who (carefully) think." (Surah 30, Verse 21).
As I want to be the people who carefully think (as said in Quran verse), I just think it was not the right time for me. Just not yet. Its a lesson that I have to learn to be a better me.

For now, I choose to learn to love myself first. To do things that make me proud of myself. I believe that the key of a blissful life is to love yourself. It might makes yourself more lovable  >_<

While the horizontal love looks very frustrating, the vertical love will never leave us. Its the love of the Creator, Allah.. As the love that we gain in the scope of horizontal love is also the gift from Allah. The One that loves the most.



p/s: not good at sharing thought. Sinopsis jela yg dapat aku tulis. Cerita panjang2, dapat kat aku semua jadi pendek. Hahha

18 January 2017

18th Jan: Update blog..blerghh
aku, tiap-tiap tahun azam nak aktif update blog.

Tapi gitu jela. Aku duduk menung. Apa ke benda menarik aku nak cerita, nak share. Tak menarik dan tak padan dan tak patot pon nak share. Hidup aku, hanyalah sekitar UM, master aku, labmate, housemate dan makanan. Balik kampung, dengan family. Takdenya nak update cerita, laptop pon tak sentuh. Bila sentuh laptop balik, dah lupa nak cerita ape.

Nak cerita pasal hidup aku, mostly drama. Aku rasa aku ni orangnya bukan jenis berdrama sangat, tapi daily life aku drama sangat. Kisah penyelia, kisah duit, kisah rakan sekerja, drama housemate tak abes-abes, drama,drama,drama. Belom masuk kisah ex. Super duper drama. Non-hado la nak cerita. Aku menulis pakai emosi, tulis sini pasal drama-drama hidup ni, sis jadi ta kuad. Terbawak emosi masa menulis ke alam nyata plak. Parah jadinya.LOL!

Satu-satunya cara untuk aku terus hidup ni, positif je. POSITIFFF (sambil mengetatkan hati).

Siap update. Macam ni pon kira update ke?

Mungkin kena modified sikit azam tu, update blog dengan kerap cerita gembira je ataupon bercerita dengan gembira walaupon ceritanya tak berapa gembira. Pon bolehh..

05 January 2017

4th Jan: Blessings
Assalamualaikum.

Alhamdulillah, had a rough day today. But yeay, i'm surviving. Bukan apa pon,cuma rasa tak sihat sangat. Sakit kepala sampai menggigil2 badan. Pastu muka panas macam beruwap je. Td petang rasa macam nak demam but now feeling okay. Alhamdulillah. Ya udah update status hari ni. Hahah

I was thinking about blessings. Barokah.

Feeling like having a tough day to keep surviving in KL with no earning. Yes, my salary has been cut since February 2016. Officially, 10 month meng-anggur. Boleh dikatakan agak kopak la poket aku. I just have my Instagram to kinda support my makan-makan and a little bit on transportation. Sewa rumah korek tabung Maybank aku. My last savior.

Dulu masa aku ber'gaji'. Aku boleh dikatakan mewah la. Aku tak struggle bab duit. Yela, ape je komitmen aku. Kete takde. Rumah sendiri takde. Mostly spend kat makan2, jalan-jalan dan shopping2 online/offline. Dan kadang2 aku masukkan dalam akaun mak aku sket. So ni la masuk part barokah sepertimana tertera dalam tajuk.

Aku ni bukanla anak yang baik sangat. Ada bulan aku bagi kat mak, ade bulan aku enjoy sakan. Takde komitmen. Tapi bulan yang aku masukkan duit kat mak aku tu sampai hujung bulan pon aku tak rase sengkek pon. Macam rilex je. Walaupon secara kalkulatornya, bila dah bagi kat mak aku, memang duit aku kurang la dr masa aku tak bagi. Tapi barokah tu membuatkan aku rasa macam "eh, kenapa banyak lagi duit dalam purse aku ni?"

Barokah tu membuatkan aku rasa cukup.

Lagi satu, aku berpendapat, bila kita bekerja seikhlas hati, tak ngelat, jaga masa kerja, kita akan rasa keberkatan gaji tu. Pernah tengok orang gaji RM10k, tapi masih rasa tak cukup? This might be related to barokah. Might be, but please dont judge them. Contoh je babe!

Now, sumber pendapatan aku ialah melalui IG aku. Nilai yang aku dapat memang tak banyak. Tapi apa yang aku dapat tu ialah apa yang aku usahakan (insyaallah biiznillah). Walaupon nilai yang aku dapat tak seberapa tapi aku rasa cukup. Cumenya, memang tak mampu la nak bagi kat mak lagi. Cukup makan je.hahaa. Klo bagi ntah2 mintak ngan abah plak duit nak makan. Lol!

So gitula, harapnya hidup aku ni terus menerus dilimpahi barokah biarpon segala badai onak dan duri melanda. Jaga hubungan dengan Allah, jaga hubungan dengan manusia. Insyaallah barokah tu melimpah ruah dalam hidup kita. 

Now, I can still smile, that makes me feels great. And I feel that, to be able to still smiling is a blessing from Allah. I am blessed with such a great family and friends. Thank you Allah for these blessings. May Allah bless all of us! ❤️

Eh, not to forget, visit my IG haxeera.co 😄



p/s: kalau rasa hidup selalu ada masalah, mungkin kita ada masalah antara hubungan dengan Allah dan ibu bapa.

02 January 2017

2nd Jan: Achievement?
2nd day of 2017. Pheww. Eh assalamualaikum.

Tipu la kalau cakap tak cuak. I'm going to be 29 this year yet there is not much achievement unlock. Except for 'that one'. Unlocked and then suddenly get locked again without leaving key for unlock. Ahh this is hard 😰.
Takpe, lets move on to unlock for another achievment. I would say, one of the most must things to achieve this year is to graduate my master study. Masya-Allah, this is wayyyy too tough for me. May Allah bless and open the door for me to end this super heart broken, bloody journey. Ya Allah, I do hope i gain, i learn something beneficial in my master journey. I wish that the knowledge that I learn during my study would benefit me and the society later. Aminn.

Takat tu jela aku boleh reveal, perancangan banyak-banyak tak leh cerita kt sini. Once achieved, i'll share the story. Eh riak plak. Adoi susahla. Ok la even if not accomplish, i might write it here. Untuk pedoman masa depan. Ahh gittu.

In general, semua orang nak jadi manusia yang lebih baik, lebih beriman, lebih dekat dengan Allah. Same goes to me. May Allah ease our journey with His barokah. Have a bless 2017 ahead 💪🏻

Gambar tak berapa cantik ni takde ape, simboliknya cuma gambar yang di ambil pd 2nd January. kualiti gambar tak cantik sbb photographernya tak pandai, but the real scenary is subhanallah 😍 Picture taken on 2nd January, somewhere in Merapoh i guess. On my way back to KL from kelantan.